#@X0&!

I really dislike my accounting class. Business is fine. Math is okay. The other stuff I wish there was more of.

Yes. Fickle. FICKLE. FICKLE!

It's probably bad I'm looking forward to December already.

Upgraded my OS. Need to upgrade my WACOM now.

Oh, Shinigami-sama! If only you could chop some sense back into my life.

Still chasing the impossible idea that I may one day work with someone interesting. I'd like to have the confidence to enter comic/manga competitions but I totally lack the skill to draw anything... decent.

I'm stuck trying to figure out what to do with the stories I've got floating about in my head. I know what I want to see but trying to translate thought onto a piece of paper isn't really working for me. I know I lack experience and certainly have no formal training at all. I never took an art class in school. It's kinda been a learn-as-I-go-along thing.

I suppose the least I can do is try to work more with ink rather than just pencil. So, I've decided to draw at least two characters a day. Also going to sketch panels from some of my favorite manga and challenge myself to make everything look like the original (as much as I possibly can despite not having use of screentones and such). Of course it'd only be for practice and for fun. Maybe I'll learn something new.

Really need to start on that two sketches a day thing tomorrow.

Gyah! I'm totally in the mood to read another volume of TeniPuri.



Ah! Scratch that..

I'm gonna watch the beginning of TeniPuri instead. Ryouma animated is...

*faceplant*

Can you see them? They seep into my skin - drenched in moments I'd like to trash, hide, gather inside - worn down to the very core of something that can never be...

There's a thought in my head. Cold. In that room again. Rain. City lights. The scent of familiarity, aged sighs, wounded pride.

It's dark but maddeningly comforting.

---

I'm sort of stuck in the middle of nothing. What that really means... even I can't say.

Calm is only a cup of tea away. Tea then sleep.

I was going to go back to college but what's the point, really? I'm nearly 30 years old and I've nothing to say - nothing that shows (well, I do have a degree but that's not really important) I've done something with my life. Yes, I already spent the earlier part of my young adult life trudging through florescent filled halls; waiting for the usual rush of people to filter out of the cafeteria (I did more thinking there than I did in class). Yes, I was that person who sat by the large ceiling-to-floor window in the mostly empty room. Mumbling to myself, dark little stormy cloud over my head. At the very least... it's what I imagined I looked like to practically everyone.

My worth is about as much as an old bubble gum wrapper and some lint.

I realize that my heart is fickle, short-tempered and silent. I can't imagine what tomorrow will bring. So, my future stops as soon as it begins.

Babbling. Rambling. Thinking of that darned little Laddercenticaterpede. He certainly doesn't enjoy the taste of anything gray.

I should shut my trap. Read another chapter from COLD FEVER and try to dream of... anything.

*faceplant*

Um...

*sweeps Subject: under a rug*

Finally decided to break out my Totoro pencil case and slap a fresh piece of paper on the kitchen table. I haven't really been in the mood (low on motivation and pretty much everything else) to sketch much of anything.

But! I've been trying to read through TeniPuri all over again... love the art so I had to draw something.

BLEACH is still a favorite as well so Byakuya seemed like a good place to start with the whole getting back to the sketchy-fan-art thing.

I'm so going to read one volume of TeniPuri before I fall asleep.

With everything that's been going on lately I've more or less... fallen asleep after watching several movies in a row. Currently paused in the background: Ai no Kotodama - it's a rather sweet BL movie and unfortunately the subtitles stray now and then. Is it strange that I'm beginning to understand Japanese without actually speaking the language? I guess I've been watching way too much anime and films.

I'm restless, irritable, and can't quite get over this insomnia thing despite how tired I am. I sleep for no more than four or five hours. I really am hurting for more sleep.

Really just can't seem to get over this nagging feeling that I'm missing something.

I feel like doing something... anything... maybe I'll cut my hair shorter. Yeah, a new haircut sounds... different?

snip.snip.snip.

to Mars...